Day 11: Rambling Rambler (12DayOfBlogmas)

So, it’s the day before the day before, and you know when you have plans and they never really go to plan?

Yeah, thats what my days been a bit like again! But, at least, I’ve now got all my Christmas presents bought and wrapped, minus some I never ended up finding, so, it’s not been too bad of a day!

My shopping fails, today, included not finding said item for brothers girlfriend anywhere! Although, we did come across one shop that had it, but it was a ‘real’ one and not the sort of one she wanted!

And, trying to find Crooked Kingdom, now! That was quite entertaining! This poor guy was walking around WHSmith trying to find thisbook whilst trying to find another book for someone else, and, in the end, when we could hear him walking up and down the stairs all around us, he came back and told us they didn’t have it!

I’ll get it cheaper online than if I’d picked it up in a store, but I think, thay sometimes, it takes away from like, the authenticity of things, you know?

So, back home, I also attempted to Nigella Lawson it up with a Chocolate Yule Log, and it failed miserably!

Seperating eggs and whipping whites to soft peaks is no fun! Especially when it comes out of the oven a gooey sort of burnt and a film of crisp cakery laid over the top of it!

Safe to say, it went in the bin, and tomorrow, we’re gonna get out the big guns (by which I mean my mums oldest recipe book) and just listen to the professionals before Lawsons time.

However, I think all the wrapping I did today also fried my brain a little!!! It just never felt like it was going to end, and I’m already bad at it! Thank God its all done now! I don’t think there’s anyone else I have to buy for! (Until tomorrow comes and my list suddenly apears again)

So, tomorrow will be filled with chocolate yule logs, caramel cheesecake (which will determine how bad a day today was with how set it is).

Anyway, before I successfully drop my phone on my face, I’m gonna get to bed! Sorry for the rambly post! I had an awesome idea for what I was going to write today; but I guess theres always next year! Right!

I’d choose Rhys, the most righteous character from my nano project DOACZK, and Aran, the most righteous character from ‘Tales Of Monsters’ because I think their the only ones who would feel bothered about how all them poor kids felt when they woke up on Christmas to no presents!

Who would you choose!

Until tomorrows blogmas wrap-up! It’s good night from me!

Letting Go Of That Sheep Faced Notebook

It’s mental health day, and prompted by the #IGWritersOct challenge, I just wanted to raise a hand to all the people out there suffering day-to-day with their problems, whether physically or emotionally and let you all know that you’re not alone!

And, this is just a little story of something I had to let go.

So, whenever I’m feeling down, whether it’s because of someone or something, I always try (and try is the word here, right) to sit down with my pen and paper and write about it. Sometimes, it’s almost like a diary entry, sometimes, it can be a persona that turns in to a story. It’s a good activity to do, and all I can say to you, is try it! Write about that event in your life and let it all out!

You can’t hurt the feelings of a piece of paper or a pen, you can rant as much as you want and it can’t hurt the people around you. That’s the best thing about it!

However, what I’ve learned, more lately than anything, is that once it’s written, I have to take the piece and decide what I want to do with it.

There’s a number of things you could do;

  • You can gain inspiration from it; you can gain this from almost everything in your life, written or not.
  • You can tuck it away in a notebook or under your bed, away from sight, away from mind, right?
  • You could even let it sit in plain view each day, you could torture yourself even more (I don’t recommend this option).
  • You could publish it, perhaps you’re experience with something, your’e feelings, could help someone else get through it, perhaps make them see that their not the only one going through something like this. You can make a terrible thing to you in to something positive for someone else.
  • You could show it to your family, to your friends, to the person that hurt you. Personally, for me, it’s easier to write the words than to say them (I wrote a letter to my boss once (long, long story), I don’t remember half the things I wrote in it, I just know that it hurt me more to write it than it hurt them to read it – FYI, if you ever read this, it really did).
  • Or, you can take that written piece and burn it, and say to yourself it won’t hurt you again (It’s obviously not that easy, but it’s a step in the right direction). In all honestly, it’s completely up to you what you do with it.

And this relates back to a little story of a notebook and a sad newly teenage girl. So, when I was younger, I had this little flipbook with wool plastered on the front, and a little sheep face made of cardboard or paper; and inside of it, I wrote about my life at the time. (Working it out, it was about ten years ago I think, so when I was twelve or thirteen – give or take). It had some good things in it, like my cats giving birth within days of each other (actually that’s the only nice thing I remember, and that I was going on holiday to either Salou or Tenerife that year), but mostly, it was bad stuff (and I don’t mean written badly). I’d needed something to let my frustration out on, and this little book (or diary, I guess) was my victim – and bless his little heart, he took it all.

So, I re-found it a while ago (maybe early last year, I’m not sure). I semi-knew where it was, in a shoe box in my cupboard with some other childhood things, but whenever I found it, I had this urge to read it again, to look at all the things that happened at that time in my life; how my moods changed, and how the writing got more scrawled as I sat and poured my heart and tears in to this little book. And, I was distraught every time I read it and would wonder why I kept it.

And then, one day, I thought, why did I need to keep it? Why do you keep this little book for Jade? The pages were full, and it was hidden in the bottom of my wardrobe among things that made me happy. I’d already made peace with what had happened, I’d got over it, I’d learned that keeping grudges against the people that hurt you is a waste of my time, and they don’t deserve that (I need it for finishing manuscripts and reading books).

And that’s one of the reason’s why I ripped it up and put it in the bin. I don’t need my memories written down on paper like that, I remember it enough not to be wanted to be reminded of them finer details. I remember that I looked at it for the last time, I remember my mum being in the room with me. I don’t know if she ever read it, maybe she had, I can’t remember (maybe I’ll ask her one day), but I said that I was going to get rid. I knew it wasn’t good for me, that I needed to let it go. That part of my life was over, and worrying about the past makes you miss the future.

I’ll be honest though, and say that I didn’t get rid of everything from that time. I had (or have, really) this story in me, a story I still think about today. It’s not ‘Tales from Aramoor’, it’s something else. I’ve wrote and changed it numerous times as I’ve grown up, and it’s still with me now, playing itself out in my head, patiently waiting for it’s time to be released in to the world. I think the dream I had, of a guy stood in a tree, in a church, holding an apple is what started my love for fantasy style writing, and ‘Tales’ owes it a lot, especially as I felt like its promised to stay with me until Tales is completed, so it can have it’s day, that we can finally reunite and I can get it written and show the world the story that kept me going in my darkest moments.

What I guess I’m trying to say, is that, writing can help you cope. Whether your’e writing about something you’ve been through or not, it allows you to escape, to give your heart to something that isn’t going to argue back and just listen (pets do this too, they just look at you as if you’re crazy most of the time though. A piece of paper or a pen won’t do that).

So, guys, I hope today is better, and that it continues to get better. Life isn’t meant to be easy, its meant to be trying and hard and something none of us survive in the end. So, whilst your heart is still beating, live your life and stop letting things get in your way. You might not have your biggest dreams come true, not many of us get that pleasure, but if you can find a little slice of happiness in something that you do, never let anyone take that away from you!

Keep going,

Keep living,

Keep dreaming,

And just keep writing!

Jade x

Busy Minds, Hectic Shifts, Changing Schedules and Editing

This week, I broke my blog post Monday rule… I know it doesn’t really matter, but I just liked the regularity of it. I liked thinking there was something new on my blog on a Monday morning! It’s the start of the week for most people, and I enjoyed having something up and posted and maybe making at least one person feel a bit more inspired, or motivated. Or anything.

But, as always, life get’s in the way.

This last month has been hectic for me. My nights off from work never stayed the same, and at one point, I went a whole two weeks without a night off. I know it’s not terrible, but it’s night shifts, and even though I’ve been working there for more than six months now, my body hates sleeping in the day time sooo much, and it makes me feel terrible if I sleep past ten o clock. Even if I get to sleep at seven! And, man, if I have a nap during the day, I turn in to a monster!

It all just leads up to the conclusion that I’ve had no real motivation to write up a blog post; even though I have the ideas for it. My mind is so busy, but so tired at the same time that it’s just took a back seat.

What, fortunately I didn’t lose motivation for, was the ‘looking over’ of my fist manuscript. I’m just tweaking it here and there, making sure the characters sounds like they should, and that it’s all ready to follow in to the next one. Although, it’s mad how I keep finding silly mistakes in my writing.

The long nights shifts have given me more time to think though, to think about the history of the world, of what the characters will go through, how the characters will cope, how the story ends. It’s good thinking time, but someday, I’ve found that by the end of the night, my mind has clouded over and it starts to dissipate in to nothing! This is when I have to rush home and write it all in my notebook before I collapse my achy self in to bed!

All of this, no matter how much I love my blog post Mondays, means that for the time being, my regular weekly posts will be on a Wednesday morning! It’s my day off, and I’ll have no excuse not to post. (Unless certain work colleagues decide they can afford to not show up to work!)

Also, the end of this month is a busy one for me! I am going to the wedding of my university friend, and I can’t wait to see everyone. And, I also get a new little writing companion called Albert! And then, next month, I have a whole week off! (Praise the Lord) Whether I get any writing done is a whole different ball game, but if anything, I’ll make sure to steal a few moments here and there!

Just keep writing guys…

Or keep doing what you love…

There isn’t enough time not too!

Inspiration on The Shore

The water is one of the greatest sculptures of our time!

I think the shore is one of the best places to find inspiration. The sea and the tide mean

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the land is always changing and always being sculpted in to something different!

It’s also a great place to walk the dogs and explore all the caves and holes the sea carves out for you!

It inspires me to no end when I go there and makes me remember that nature creates beautiful things – like these pebbles!

It also plays a part in my Adult fantasy book, and will forever remind me of my Serpents Cove and the Rocky Shore!

Here is just a load of photo’s, of the sun setting, the rock formations, the crevices, the small caves, the rocks, the sand and the water (and a Springer Spaniel thrown in for good measure).

My Writing Journey So Far…

This piece is an insight in to some writing projects I did as a kid and my main WIP, which I am on the cusp of finishing.

I have been writing stories ever since I was small. It was a way for me to escape and create, and even though my childhood wasn’t terrible, I never really had many friends, so I guess, spent my days writing about all the adventures I wanted to go on.

My first big project, from what I can remember, was a series of short stories on ‘The Adventures of Taffy and Friends’. It was handwritten with ‘lovely’ illustrations by my younger self and based on my old German shepherd. I think it’s what cemented my way in to writing.

I also made some little picture books on the story of a saber-tooth cat and his family.

The next big project I would undertake, was a 52? page book about me living on a farm and showing horses. It was called Show Girl, and it was followed by another two books of a similar size. I’ve never ridden a horse before, so I have no idea where the idea came from.

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Just before I started writing this, we had just got internet for the first time, and I was fascinated by being able to google photos of anything and slot them in to my story. However, when I look back at it now, I cringe. I also remember my Nan falling asleep while reading it. I don’t know if it was just old lady syndrome, or if it was just really terrible.

It’s very obvious that I was a girl going in to teen-hood whilst writing this. Some of the scenes are so bad, and so unrealistic, I don’t know what I was thinking…

Since then, I’ve moved on to things I hope I will not be so scared about showing another human being. I’ve wrote some short stories, and wrote some first chapters for some novels, but my next big project would be something that I still work on to this day, even if my main WIP takes over most of the time. I think I started writing what I ended up calling ‘The Banished Series’ in late 2006/early 2007.

I remember that at the time, life was really hard and loads of stuff was happening. I wasn’t happy and I needed something to get my mind off of all the bad. So, I looked up at my bedroom ceiling and I asked for an idea. Low and behold, a dream came to me and I was able to turn it in to a novel. I wrote drafts of two books and outlined the third, and even though it’s not finished yet, it gave me that escape that I needed. It’s something I’ll go back to, but more because I want to know how the story goes than anything.

My present WIP, ‘Tales’, I’ve been working on for about six, maybe seven years now. It all started with an idea I got whilst playing Skyrim and my character was stood there, sucking up the soul of a dragon. I’ve always loved olden day games (Fable is my favourite), so I thought I’d give it a crack at writing a story based in medieval times, which over time has turned in to so much more. In the last few months alone, I’ve incorporated qualities from Celts, Saxons, Vikings and Romans.

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Its unbelievable how much it’s changed over the last six years. It’s had a few name changes, a few people killed and brought back to life, a few people killed that I hadn’t intended to kill at all, and I’ve learnt so much about writing that I think it may be the first one that I could give to the world to read.

I know six years may seem like a long time, but as always, life get’s in the way. I had school, college, university, and grown-up stuff to do like going to work and worrying about bills, but it was also because I wasn’t in a rush to finish it. My life was a bit too all over the place and full of drama to be able to do anything with it if I did.

My WIP is a series that has been outlined in to approximately five books, with the first novel having been through seven drafts and the second being on it’s first. I’ve also got future scenes jotted down in my journal and on various pieces of paper here, there and everywhere.

I’ve went through many styles of writing, with the one now being the one I think I’ll stick too. I’m not an overly descriptive writer, I don’t think. I like to get to the point and not ramble (which I realise I have done a lot of here, but it isn’t a book, so it’s okay); but keep a bit of mystery in there as well. I like my characters to be just as confused as the reader.

The most important thing I’ve learnt, other than my style, is that I shouldn’t limit myself to my main WIP. If an idea strikes me for another novel or a short story, I’ll take time out to write it a bit, even if it’s just an outline so I can go back to it later. I find writing other things, whether it’s a piece inspired by a prompt, a blog post on your favourite thing or a baking recipe, it all helps you develop your style and gives you a break, meaning writers block doesn’t come as easily. I’ve found that having a writing journal handy works well for me, and even though I have a make-shift index page at the front, I just use sticky tabs to make the mess easier to navigate.

Maybe in the last year or so, writing took a step back. It wasn’t because I didn’t want to do it, but more because my life was so hectic, with work, university and family issues, that I needed time for other things. But now, I’m back in my rhythm again and I feel like I’m actually getting somewhere.

Although, at one point, I did almost give up because I lost about sixty pages worth of story because I didn’t press the save button. It happened a second time, but atleast I was only editing this time.

For me, I think my worst fear is it not being good enough. Which I think might stop a lot of authors in their tracks, but you never know, there might be someone out there waiting to read a book just like yours, and one smile is better than nothing.

I’m currently on the cusp of finishing my final draft of the first book, and now I finally have a grasp on how I want the series to flow and sound, I think the next few won’t take so long. It’s a been a very long learning curve, but I think I needed it.

Maybe in a couple months, I’ll be able to write a blog post saying that I’ve finally submitted my novel to a literary agent or publisher, and be able to tell you about all the trouble I had writing the synopsis and cover letters, because, I think, that’ll be harder than writing the book itself.

🙂

Modern Day Superheroes! 

I want to know what it takes to be a superhero in this world.
When there’s no magic, no special powers, no monsters,
how can someone become anything more than ordinary
– uninspiredwriters (prompts @ instagram

Watching over this city, I start to realise that, there’s nothing wrong with being ordinary, not really; but I guess, if your heart still earns to be a hero in the modern age, you don’t have to be rich like Iron Man, or be able to run fast like the Flash.

In this world, as far as we know, there aren’t any monsters hiding in the cupboard, no super powers waiting to be bestowed upon us in a thunderstorm, no letter waiting for us on the doorstep to take us in to a world of magic, but you don’t need any of those to a be a superhero.

All you need to do is talk to the elderly neighbor no one talks to anymore, share some of your lunch with that homeless guy you always pass on your dinner break, help that woman with the screaming kids take her shopping to the car.

You might not feel like a superhero, but you could be a hero to them.

To give is your best super power, and it’s one of the easiest things to do.

The Right Decision..

So, this is something I felt like I had to write. More because I think writing has always made me feel better, and I’m able to explain myself better and come to terms with things. This is a long post, and I think I may have rambled a bit, but I wrote this in the moment.

Maybe it can help someone else. You just gotta remember that not all people will think the decision your making is important, whilst to you it could be the most important.

For me, I’ve always had a problem making decisions. I’m so indecisive. I can go shopping, telling myself that I’m going to buy new clothes and come back with nothing ninety percent of the time. Or I can spend more time looking for a movie to watch than actually watching it. Little things like that just seem to scare me a little.

I think the problem is taking responsibility for the consequences or being judged for my tastes, even if it is just deciding on what to eat or what to watch. However, I think after living in halls and in my own house, I’ve got better at it. I’m not so sensitive anymore.

Very recently, I’ve had to make a really big decision. A decision I may not have been able to make three years ago. One that I honestly thought I couldn’t make, but if I hadn’t, I think I would have fallen in to a pit of despair. It is going to completely change my way of life, but I think it might be for the best.

So, I’ve been working and living in my job for the last three months. Before then, it was perfect. I had it all planned. A masters, driving, saving! As well as a few other things that never came to light, maybe things that could have made it easier.

But, alas, it didn’t go that way. Something happened and I think it just threw me off my track, even if I didn’t realise it at first. I’m not in the right frame of mind to carry on with my plans, I’m not ready to do that masters.

So, despite loving my job, the people and the dogs. I decided that it was time for me to go home. Things had changed and I feel like I needed to be there now more than ever. I haven’t lived at home for the last three years and I miss my family. My mum, dad, brother. It wasn’t easy to just jump in a car or on a train to go see them. I had to plan it in advance, the four hour journey isn’t always a pleasant one.

It wasn’t a rash decision. I bottled all of my emotions up because I thought things would get better, that somehow, magically, they’d change. I shouldn’t have. When I first talked about the opportunity of living and working in the same place, my life was so different to what it is now.

I got so caught up in everything that I didn’t think about me. I was honestly scared of letting others down. My friends, my family, my boss. I was given something that most people wouldn’t get, and I feel like crap throwing it all away, but I’m not in the right mind set anymore. It sounds so selfish, but sometimes, you can’t help but feel a certain way.

The most important thing to do in life is not lose sight of yourself, and I did, and hopefully, by going home, I’ll be able to find myself again and just be happy.

At the end of the day, you have to make the right choice for yourself. Even if you do hurt others because of it.

And I think that’s the worst bit. I never want anyone to feel used, because despite everything that happened, those sorts of things never even went through my mind. One night I just snapped, I just couldn’t stop crying. I feel terrible about it all, I feel like a horrible person, but what would I have gained by not saying anything? It would never have got better, the situation couldn’t. It would of only got worse, even with stolen moments of happiness.

So, when you do have to make that horrible decision in your life, whether it be about a partner, a job, a house, something that’s significant to you, you’ll know you made the right decision because you’ll feel happy, you’ll smile more; and the heaviness on your heart will go.

Even if you feel sad about it, about the people, or the place you might be leaving behind. You’ll just know in the bottom of your heart that you made the right decision. The right decision for you!

I’m expecting to make a load more decisions for myself, especially in the next couple of years, maybe months, but I think that now I’ll be ready for it. Life never seems to go to plan, but just take it on the chin and carry on…

The following is one of my favourite photos ever. This is little Tilly-mint on her walk in to the near-by village. She’s a lurcher puppy that stole my heart the day I saw her walk down the path. She found her home in six weeks on a red leather couch surrounded by love and most importantly for her, patience! She filled my heart with those little moments of happiness that I needed in my worse times! I’m happy she was homed with such lovely new parents and in a wonderful home!

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If your shadow stands tall, then so should you!